God never asked you to disappear.
He said, if you lose your life for My sake, you will find it.
Lose your life. Let's sit here a minute. Because this part of the verse, I feel like I've got down. I lost myself. I stopped doing the little things for me. The simple self-care practices that filled my cup. My Bible study went too. My time with the Lord. The walks. The thirty minutes that used to be only mine.
Was I losing my life for His sake?
I don't think that's what He meant.
Because there are two ways to lose your life, mamma. And they can look almost exactly the same from the outside.
One is sacrifice. The other is self-erasure.
Sacrifice is when you offer something to Him in love. You give it. On purpose. With your eyes open. The way Christ gave Himself for us.
Self-erasure is when something is taken from you and you call it holy. The cancer takes. The caregiving takes. The long nights take. The bills take. Survival mode takes, and takes, and takes. And somewhere along the way we start to believe that because we lost so much, we must be losing it for His sake.
But losing your life to something is not the same as losing your life for Him.
He never asked you to give up your Bible to keep your child alive. He never asked you to stop being a daughter of God so you could be a better mamma. The verse does not say lose your life to cancer and you will find it. It says lose it for My sake. For Him. To Him. Offered.
There is a difference between something taken and something given.
And so the first question is not, have I lost enough? You have. We all have. The question is, to Whom?
Because when He is your life, you find who you are.
So who is she? The woman He says you are?
Open to Proverbs 31. She is not what they made her into in the Sunday school felt boards. She is not a tired woman in an apron crossing things off a list. Read it again. She is clothed with strength and dignity. She laughs at the days to come. She opens her mouth in wisdom. Her children rise up and call her blessed.
She does not vanish, mamma. She is seen.
That is God's picture of a woman. Not a disappeared one.
So if you have lost who you were, I'm here to remind you.
You are God's. You are a child of the King. A virtuous woman, clothed in strength, made to laugh at the days to come.
Coming back to her does not start with a self-care list. It starts with one quiet sentence said back to Him.
Lord, I think I gave it to the wrong thing. I want to give it to You instead.
That is the turn. That is where the finding begins.
You are not selfish for wanting yourself back. You are coming home.
Because you are worthy.